I wonder if C ever looks in here anymore.

Been flying solo for a bit.
So low.
Lando.
Land owner.


I sure hope C is well.

Magic 8-Ball says...

2 months since I last wrote anything at all?
The weather flipped and so did my mood.
Everything feels upside down and I've returned to old habits.
Work has been busy. This is fine.
No real life at all outside of work right now.
Unsure if I'm doing this intentionally or not.
I'm sure it is a combination of many factors.
Began to have conflicting feelings within myself about my romantic dealings.
The days are shorter and colder.
When I do get home, I don't want to leave again.
Work being busy, while fine, is fucking exhausting.
I am going back home to MD for the New Year.
I don't have any expectations or plans really, maybe I should make some.
It will give my trip some intention.
Money has been stressing me out as of late.
I have a plan through December that I hope will get me in a decent position to be able to really do something about it.
This plan involves only 3 days off between now and Christmas.
Oof.

Nostalgia scrolling through Facebook is fucked up.

Lucky Number

The third time this year that I've broken up with someone and felt miserable about it. Do I sabotage relationships?

The Jenna Von Oy Post

Wow.

Three (plus) weeks since the last post that happened. It looks like it's my turn now.

Pretty interesting three weeks, if I'm being completely honest with myself. Interesting in a good way.

Time is going by very quickly and I really need to make some time to reconnect with friends I have fallen out of touch with. This will happen.

Wow.

No Fifths For Me; The Sobriety Post

Dear Abby,

If I crushed on someone and they turned me down, and then months later that person showed me signs of interest, am I to act in accordance with the initial dismissal, or can I propose emotion once again?


Thanks,

Liminal Lover

PS
Taking a ten-day vacation from booze hasn't illuminated anything for me. It's a legitimate esteem-boost to feel like alcohol has no hold serious hold over my life.

(Go) Fourth

I have been (I think, successfully) attempting to be more social and outgoing as of late. The hopeful end result, of course, being fulfillment in myself and those I surround myself with. I am, generally speaking, a fun person to be around, I just need to believe that and not let tiny things get in my way. I have been saying and feeling as though I am just endlessly detached from feeling things which isn't necessarily true. I miss both my friends and family back East, and I, naturally, long for someone to share things with. The eclipse yesterday was a great reminder of that. As great as it was to view it alone, not having someone to share events/life with is a bit of a reality check. I am attempting to tow the line of being comfortable alone, but not so comfortable that I don't make attempts to reach out and be available to people who make themselves available to me.

Third

I have a bad habit of jumping from "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number," to "Have my baby." I don't know what it is about casual dating that I'm so unable to perform, but apparently there's a level of intimacy between "slept in the same bed together facing different directions and never touching" to "cuddled, coitaled, fell asleep in one-another's arms." Maybe my love life could thrive with a dash of detachment thrown in. "If there's one flaw, it's that I care too much." But, I kinda think that's what's going on with me. I need to learn the gray area between investing everything and not having interest.